My wifes first girlfriend

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Say what you want about the conservative vs. For example, my wife has a 10 year crush on a friend of mine that I consider a brother. We keep it friendly, we keep our hugs loving but chaste and we keep our flirting to a minimum, though flirting is a natural extension of who we are.

Once in a while, someone comes up who is attractive enough to warrant that kind of relationship at least on the physical level, but for one reason or another, things rarely pan out.

Who my wife decides to sleep with, I have long ago decided was none of my business. There are exceptions to this rule, but for the most part, as long as she is doing this in a safe and controlled environment, practicing safe sex, and being true to herself as a human being, I have no cause for complaint.

Now, if my wife decides to spend ALL of her time with anyone, regardless of gender, well then I would not so much feel jealous, as I would just miss her.

But, even then. Above all of this, I want my wife to be happy. Her happiness is something I put way in front of my own. This is the way I am. When she finds love outside of our marriage, our marriage becomes that much more special and beautiful.

I am absolutely secure in myself as a person, as a man, and as a lover and husband. There is nothing that any man or woman could possibly do that could ever bring my wife away from me.

If someone can do something better than I can, I want to learn from him. I want to know what he knows. If my wife likes something he does better than an equivalent thing I do, I want to know what that is, so that I can adapt and please her better.

If, in the end, she chooses someone else over me, though it would break my heart, I would lovingly help her pack her things to pursue whatever life threw her way.

Male or female. There is a selflessness within the institution of marriage that I think a lot of people overlook. It is the obligation to put your spouse above yourself.

Polyamory, for us at least, fills that obligation rather nicely. I help her and do these things for her because I love her and because wen I took a vow to love, honour and cherish her, it meant that she never had to do any of these things alone every again.

We call ourselves a team, and we mean it in every sense of the word. That other woman does not belong to you.

When thoughts of her come to mind, rebuke yourself declaring that she is not yours; you belong to your wife now.

And pray and ask God again to protect you from thoughts of her. What hit home for you in this article? Would you like to discuss anything in particular?

Just fill in the form below and one of our mentors will get back to you as soon as possible. Our mentors are not counsellors.

They are ordinary Christians willing to step out in faith and join people on their spiritual journey in a compassionate and respectful manner.

We ask for gender and age to assign you the appropriate mentor. How would you describe your current experience as a Christian? Up and down?

We need the Holy Spirit. Search Site Menu. Close Mobile Menu You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.

Close Search Search Site. Tags: marriage purity. His relationships, up to Sarah, seemed to me more like protracted acts of masochism.

But then he brought her to meet us and she was perfect: fun but calm, wild without the violence. So that day we talked. And then we danced.

In hindsight I suppose we were flirting in a way that felt completely devoid of meaning or jeopardy because we were both straight.

I found her charming and funny - she complimented me on my dress, my hair, my shoes. We laughed a lot and I was pleased for Steven - my best friend, who had been treated so badly by partners in the past.

It was when Sarah and I went outside to share a cigarette, sitting in a dark corner of the country house garden that she kissed me.

I was surprised, of course, but not so surprised as to jump back or make a comment. I suppose in a way it made sense in the context of the day and our flirtation.

I was also drunk. I giggled and hiccupped - a parody of a drunk person, a character in a bad romcom. So, I kissed her back.

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If this had been the boyfriend of a female best friend it would have been an ultimate betrayal. I would never do that to a female best friend.

But I did feel uneasy. I could barely look Sarah in the eye when I saw her - I felt this knot of awkwardness and shame. I guess I should have known - the shame was there for a reason.

Later that day she texted me to say she was sorry for kissing me and could we just forget that anything had happened.

I reassured her that it was 'all good' and that nothing more would ever be said about it. When they were just boyfriend and girlfriend it was bad, but somehow less bad.

Now though When they asked me to do a reading at their wedding, Sarah avoided making any eye contact with me the entire conversation.

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There is a selflessness within the institution of marriage that I think a lot of people overlook. It is the obligation to put your spouse above yourself.

Polyamory, for us at least, fills that obligation rather nicely. I help her and do these things for her because I love her and because wen I took a vow to love, honour and cherish her, it meant that she never had to do any of these things alone every again.

We call ourselves a team, and we mean it in every sense of the word. The idea of a triad has been discussed, though I have no intention on moving in on their relationship.

And this is before I even start thinking about gender. Love is love, regardless of the equipment you have.

This story originally appeared on The Good Men Project and was republished here with full permission. Take our survey now for your chance to win.

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